Blessed Moon

I've Moved!

2009-05-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

Follow me over to my new space!!

www.blessedmoon.squarespace.com

(Don't forget to change my address on your site!)

Be The Light

2009-05-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

hApPy sAtUrDaY

2009-05-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

Monday is moving day!! ;)

Path Less Travelled

2009-05-20T03:32:00.000-07:00

Confessions

2009-05-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

First, it's important to differentiate 'confessions' from 'random stuff'. Confessions are things that maybe not a lot of people know... maybe even just one or two know, or maybe no one at all knows. That sometimes makes confessions hard to disclose. Whereas, random stuff is just that. And that's easy.

1. I don't always sleep well at night.

2. I think that's because of all the coffee I drink all day.

3. But sometimes I think it's more.

4. I still love double-stuffed oreos. And consume them shamelessly.

5. I find it hard to like disrespectful children, even when it's not me they're being disrespectful to.

6. (Not only do I daydream, but I like it.)

7. I find that embarrassing.

8. Like my son, I can always tell when I'm lieing.

9. I laugh easily.

10. In fact, I'm prone to uncontrollable fits of hysteria. The contagious type.

11. In the middle of the night.

12. I find that fun, not embarrassing.

13. And really? I don't lie. Because everyone could tell. And because it's just not nice.

14. I can understand both sides of an argument. We've called this being "gray". Some might see me as wishy-washy, but because I'm actually strong, that doesn't bother me because giving credence to both sides of an argument is just being fair.

15. I forgive too easily. "Too" easily because I think it sets me up for being taken advantage of. But I do it anyway because in any successful relationship, forgiveness is necessary. It also requires too much energy to hang on to grudges.

16. I forgive, but I don't forget much. (Is that the same as holding a grudge?) I might never ever bring it back up, so you might think I've forgotten, but I haven't. I don't bring it back up, and I won't hold it against you because I've truly forgiven. (So, no, then. I don't hold grudges. I just remember well.)

17. I love the book The Little Prince, and the movie Finding Nemo, both because they are really stories with meanings meant for adults hidden under the guise of being fairytales.

18. I am almost compulsive (ok, ok... I AM compulsive) about how to load the dishwasher and how to fold clothes. This is a huge cog in my wheel of house-keeping because these things just HAVE to be done a certain way. Which means, others can't do it. Sorry.

19. I put on my favorite perfume before I go to bed.

20. Almost every night.

God's Temple

2009-05-17T06:08:00.000-07:00

This is the church I attended as I was growing up. It is "the first church" of Monticello, and this July, it will be 200 years old.

I remember when this stained glass piece was put in. It lights from behind, and it's beautiful.

This is my sister with my children and our nephews, sitting at the foot of the alter where I was married...

And from where I received communion. And in front of which I celebrated Christmas and Easter and Christ's life. And this July, this church will be closing it's doors. It's congregation has dwindled; it's tithing not enough to support it's existence.

While this is sad, tragically sad, it's important to remember where Christ's work really takes place. The literal church is a building, created by man -in which wonderful things happen-but still, created by man. A place to celebrate, to remember, to meditate, to share fellowship; to repent, to forgive, to receive, to promise, to praise, to grow, to share. All these things are nurtured here. They are expected to be nurtured here. But they can (and should) also be nurtured in our homes. And in our yards, and in our cars, and in our schools, and in our families, and in our friendships. And within ourselves.

Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?

1 Corinthians 3:16

(I blog-lifted this song from Kimba... thanks for sharing, girl.)

Prickly Thistles

2009-05-15T17:07:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been a while.

I seem to have lost my voice. I know it's here somewhere... there's just so much chaos right now cluttering my thoughts, that I can't seem to find her.

May is always rough... end of the school year, preparing for summer break. Top that with snakes and car accidents, funerals and 70th birthday parties, graduation and good-byes... and well, chaos. I know these little 'prickly' days challenge me in growth, and I should appreciate their beauty as I do the easy daisies... (pun totally intended!)

But that is sometimes a challenge in and of itself.

So, I will remember to breathe,

in and out,

and learn to love the prickly days, too.

Breathe In Breath Out

Delta Goodrem

Do you ever wanna run away?
Feel like every day is not your day
Do you ever find yourself out in the cold no were to go
If the world has ever cut you deep
If the scars never seem to heal
If the emptiness is way to much for you all you can do

Just breathe in breathe out that's a moment in your life
Breathe in breathe out it’s a wonderful night

Oos’ Aah’s

No matter where the seasons fall
No matter how the dice will roll
In the end the here and now is all we have don’t look back

Just breathe in breathe out that's a moment in your life
Breathe in breathe out it’s a wonderful night

Oos’ Aah’s

A hundred million times x2

Oo’s Aah’s

Just breathe in breathe out that's a moment in your life
Breathe in breathe out it’s a wonderful night x2

Dad & Me

2009-05-13T03:59:00.000-07:00

Sunday

2009-05-11T07:20:00.000-07:00

A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, you must love your brother.

John 13:34

The Weight of Sadness

2009-05-05T23:05:00.000-07:00

My Mad Monday

2009-05-04T18:30:00.001-07:00

Ya know, it actually didn't start out so bad. It was raining again, but I've been having fun lately taking pictures in the rain.They are so much more dramatic...

..so I didn't mind that. Enjoyed it, actually. I stopped along the way and took these...

And yes, I really live here.

In the country.

It wasn't really until I picked up the kids... but, then, isn't that always when it starts to happen??

She was late, which knocked the bottom card out of our house-of-cards-schedule... So I was a bit late getting J-man to his batting cages. But we got there, and I went on to my errands... I had 15 minutes before I needed to pick him up, and decided that that wasn't enough time to go to the collision center (another story) for their estimate, but I could probably get to the post office. So off I went.

I pulled out the late birthdays presents and closed my hatch, and started towards the post office, when I heard it. CRUNCH. My heart sank, 'cause I just knew what it was. Yup. 'Bless her heart' as they say here, but she had backed right into my front end. Can I just tell you, this is the third (THIRD) time I've been hit in the last two (TWO) months?! Being the expert that I now am, I had the necessary info within minutes, and was on my way to pick-up my son. When we got to the collision center, the guy there asked me my name, and I said, "YOU can call me 'Lucky'!"

So, with 3 of my 4 sides scratched, smashed, crunched and now fixed or about to be fixed... I breathe a sigh of relief, and headed home. I knew something was funny when I pulled into the driveway and saw my husband's pick-up NOT in the garage and my other two little ones sitting on the edged of the bed... feet up... looking down in....

Oh.yes.he.did. Austin, AKA the Crocodile Hunter in these here parts, has taught us all the value of life. All life. Even reptilian life. Dad rescued this critter from the sure fate of death by rubber, and brought him home "for the kids"!

Now, because of this experience... I insisted "NO.SNAKES.IN.THE.HOUSE."

... And went inside for one of these... even though I knew I was already cooking with Port tonight.

After dinner, I decided to finish the laundry I'd started earlier in the day... Ya know, the laundry all over the living room? And instead of finding folded and non-folded clothes on my couch....

... looky what I found... all coiled up and hissin'....

Oh joyous Monday.

The Color of Me

2009-05-04T04:31:00.001-07:00

I think if I were a flower, I'd want to be a poppy...

bright and cheerful... playful

...delicate but wild....

...soft but brave...

...growing without restrictions or inhibitions...

living freely

...standing alone or in a crowd...

...and standing tall...

...able to bend with the wind...

...and feel the power of rain...

Sunday

2009-05-03T06:11:00.001-07:00

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 1-8, 13

This I Know: Limitless

2009-04-30T17:26:00.001-07:00

Okay, so, this might age me... but I remember my mother making me sit down and watch the news when I was a very young girl (like, very young-a baby, even!). A man had just stepped foot on the moon. A man on the moon! How impossible... and so science-fiction-ish to my parents.

So started my fascination with our space program. If you think about it, 40 years later, it still inspires awe... what else can we say does that? We took an idea, and without limitations, asked a group of people to make something happen. These men and women problem-solved every aspect, they jumped every hurdle, climbed every mountain, bridged every gap and found. a. solution. That alone is inspiring.

Today, it seems, we think inside boxes. And far too often, we teach our children in this manner. In business and in science, there are limitations always.... maybe it's money, maybe politics... maybe something else. The solutions to problems are difficult to find... How long have we been trying to find a cure for cancer? Diabetes? Spinal Cord injuries? Hunger? The solutions to these problems are there... we just have to think outside the box. Think of the possibilities, rather than the impossibilities. If we can find a way to push human life off the earth, set it on a specific path, and bring it home alive, what can't we do?

And I think, how incredible it would be if I could teach my children this thing: think without limits... live without limits... love without limits... dream without limits... What could they do? What problems would they solve? What diseases could they cure? What mountains could they conquer? What dreams would they accomplish? How happy could they be?

This I know: to truly live to the fullest, we must abandon the idea of limits.

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers

2009-04-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

Stretching

2009-04-27T05:37:00.001-07:00

Ever have one of those moments where you are stretched?

Not molded, which is to be pushed and shaped and formed by something... an experience... a person... This is different. This is from within.

I've placed myself in a position that is forcing me to stretch. I could step out of it (it would be so much easier), but I won't. I will stay put and reach to become the person who can handle this. I'm not really comfortable, but that's okay, because I am reaching and changing and in the end, I know it will make me better.

I will continue to bend toward the light, reaching forth to make the right choices, no matter how hard, so that my petals might open and drink in the warmth of knowing that I've done right. Stretching is hard... it's uncomfortable and sometimes hurts.

You get to a point where you just want to stop, to recoil, to nurture the pain.

But growth doesn't occur with recoil; it happens with stretch. So I will gladly stay here, and reach for my toes, or reach for the sun, or both.

Sunday

2009-04-26T03:18:00.000-07:00

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that

has been given to you....

May you be content knowing you are a child of God....

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

That Time of Year Again

2009-04-22T16:12:00.001-07:00

On Tri-ing To Be More

2009-04-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure what it is. My husband is lovingly calling it MLC (affectionately, mid-life crisis). It's been a rough year, as the school calendar runs. I'm not really comfortable in my own skin anymore. I'm wanting more in everything.

My body is showing signs of age, but my heart is still blossoming, still growing, still beating like a young school-girl's. And so, it only makes sense, that when I saw this post, I felt a little jolt - my heart skipped a little beat. I wasn't sure what it was, so I went back repeatedly, just looking at the picture and the title: Girl Power. Girl Power!

Remember the joys you felt as a child? A thought crossed your mind, you felt an impulse - and you just did it. You didn't contemplate it; you didn't weigh it out and wonder how it would fit in your life. You didn't "wait and see". You didn't consult anybody. You certainly didn't do it because there was laundry to do, or dinner to make, or a house to clean. You didn't even consider IF you could do it ... you just did it...

... and so I did.

And even though it was humbling to advertise my age on my calves, it was empowering, too. Yeah, I'm old. I'm even older than my calves say because the young chickies asked how old I was by last December. And I've had a birthday since then. Still, I was out there, with my 'tri-ing moms' friends, in the rain, and for the first time, attemping a sprint triathlon. I didn't train. I didn't hesitate because I was afraid. I didn't weigh how I would fit it all in. I didn't consider that I might not finish. I just did it. And I'm glad for it. I'm glad for how strong it made me feel.

So, when the 11 year old girl skipped past me, I cheered her on, "You Go, Girl!"

And then when I skipped past the 34 year old buff guy, I silently cheered me on, "You Go, Girl! ...

...Blossom everywhere - in everything!"

Sunday

2009-04-19T09:42:00.000-07:00

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.

Ephesians 6:10

hsssssss...

2009-04-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

"Ummm... Miss Patty?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Is there supposed to be a snake loose in the house?"

"No... why would you ask that?"

"Ummm... because there is?"

So we tramp up the stairs to meet Mr. Snake at the top, all coiled up and hissin'... I was sssstill very much in control. After all, this is Mr. Friendly ssssnake, the one Austin has caught twice now and we've fostered for a few days, and who apparently, got hisssself loose. But then, Sweet Playful Dog finds her way upstairs, all jumping and happy and seemingly assssking, "What's going on? What's going on? Can I play? Can I play?" The ssssnake freaks out and takes off all sliding and gross YUCK, and slithering DOWN my stairs! It moved ssssoooo quickly. J-man, laughing hisssssssterically, is saying, "I've got it, mom!" when clearly, he. did. not. Eventually, he did catch it by it'ssss tail, and let the little thing wrap itssssself around his arm. Ssssssilly boy, putting it up to my face and ssssaying,

"Moooom, " (ya know, like he'ssss all annoyed at moi), "it's just the ssssnake that's been missssing for four days."

"FOUR DAYSsss?!

In MY HOUSsssE?!"

"We didn't want to tell you because we thought you might freak out."

Oh, really.... what makesssss you think THAT?

love thursday

2009-04-16T05:47:00.000-07:00

Dandelions

Artist: Five Iron Frenzy

Album: other songs

in a field of yellow flowers

underneath the sun

bluest eyes that spark with lightning

boy with shoes undone

he is young, so full of hope

reveling in tiny dreams

filling up his arms with flowers

right for giving any queen

running to her,beaming bright

while cradling his prize

a flickering of yellow light

within his mother's eyes

she holds them to her heart

keeping them where they'll be safe

clasped within her very marrow

dandilions in a vase

she sees love where anyone else would see weeds

all hope is found, here is everything he needs

Not So Wordless Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-14T16:04:00.001-07:00

I was so completely stressed out because it is Wordless Wednesday and, well, I seem to have a lot I want to say! There's all sorts of sTuFf, like tHis and ThAt, but because it was a wonderful weekend, and I have all these random thoughts running through what's left of my brain cells, I thought I would just spew here. And so, I decided it doesn't have to be wordless Wednesday if I don't want it to be. Hope you don't mind. Actually, it could be fun.

First, of course, it was Easter, so we needed to prepare. Poor sweet thing, she was the only one interested. (Even if the "big boys" had agreed to help dye eggs, do you think they'd let me show you pictures here?)

So we boiled 18 eggs, 6 for each of them to decorate. She did all 18. Her creativity was impressive, and her images, telling... I think, even at 10, she's still a believer.

Then, Saturday, I became a mom of two teenagers... as if being mom to one wasn't hurting my self-esteem enough.

He's really oh-so handsome, and his hair is beautiful but maybe a little too long and easy to hide behind, and someone that handsome shouldn't hide behind his hair. Even if he is 13.

He chose Texas Roadhouse for his birthday dinner, one of my personal favorites for some attachment reasons (really, we'll save that for another post), and I was so excited because we could have some of this...

... and I could have some of this...

and we all could have some peanuts.

But, being a Saturday night, even at 5:30, there was a long line.

So we walked to WalMart. (I've told you how much I love -gag- WalMart?)

She played with this...

... and this.

He played with this.

And he tried that, too.

And because I saw this post, entitled "Girl Power" (and just who wouldn't read a post with that title?), and because I actually told him that I was contemplating competing in a triathlon (we'll save that for another post, too), he bought me a bike helmet. Ya know, to protect my pretty little head. I guess that commits me to the triathlon, right? (Did I ever tell you about the time I said to him that I might like to go to medical school and he went out and bought me all this first year equipment, like a stethescope, and that ear-flashlight thingy? He's supportive like that.)

And then our flashing pager thing went off, so we made our way back to the restaurant,

where we loved on each other a little.

Because we're like that.

And while I sipped on mine (see above), they sipped on theirs.

And my newly 13 year old let his dad take our picture. This was the best he could do, but I am patient with him, and you get the idea, right?

The newly 13 year old also tolerated being sung to by all the servers in the restaurant, I think just so he could get this...

Even though he knew he had this waiting at home, because we always have the expected surprise ice cream birthday cake on birthdays in our family.

Happy Birthday, Austin.

About Mother's Day

2009-04-14T15:14:00.001-07:00

Ya know, I'm not the most organized or planned person. I get into trouble a lot that way! Like, I wake up and think, "Oh shoot! It's mother's day and I didn't send anything!" Well, I've resolved to fix this this year... I'm thinking about planning for Mother's Day, which also happens to be very near to my father's 70th birthday. Here are two thoughtful things you can do to honor a mom close to your heart:

Write a letter; buy a mosquito net and maybe save a child from malaria. Go here to find out more: Mother Letter

Mom likes jewlery? Check out these pretty pieces... customized, too:

A Soft Place To Land

Go visit both and let me know what you think!

JoY

2009-04-12T09:48:00.000-07:00

Let there be more spontaneous joy in the world!

Sound of Music Train Station @ Yahoo! Video

Happy Monday!

Easter Sunday

2009-04-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

He is Risen

"That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved."

John 3:15-17

On Baseball and Life

2009-04-11T08:24:00.001-07:00

J-man pitching, his current coach watching.

We believe kids learn life lessons in sports. These are some of the things my husband would say to the boys when coaching. Each, if you think about it, can be applied to life.

1. Winning isn't everything, but it's something. And someone has to win. Why not let it be you?

2. Work hard, play hard.

3. We're all part of the team. When we win, we all win. When we loose, we all loose.

4. Believe in yourself.

5. Trust your team; if 1 goes down, 8 pick him up.

6. Bring it!

7. Preparation is everything.

8. When the door of opportunity opens, be ready.

9. On the first strike: well, that just wasn't your ball. On the second strike: dig deep-focus. On the subsequent hit: good players make it happen.

10. Don't just finish, finish strong.

11. Don't just look near the ball; look AT the ball.

12. We'd rather loose on the field, than win by forfeit.

(and my husband's personal favorite, for the coaches:)

13. Always pick the players with the hottest moms.

fuNnY fAcEs :)

2009-04-10T06:43:00.001-07:00

I've linked on with Amber at RunaMuck, and am posting my favorite (and permissible!) funny faces photos!

These are my 3 favorite funny face babies, posing for holiday shots, (and yes, I chose this one for our holiday greetings!! )

This is my favorite funny face puppy-isn't she beaUtiful?

And this is my favorite funny face shot. Don'tcha love it? Last day of school pool-side celebration. The cucumbers were from the veggies and dip. :)

hApPy fRiDaY!

Just in time to do something loving and special for Easter, a little thing for us, a huge thing for a child. Check this out:

where are you going?

2009-04-08T06:51:00.001-07:00

Sunday

2009-04-05T06:15:00.001-07:00

"Where can I go from your Spirit?

 Where can I flee from your presence?

 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

 If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

 If I settle on the far side of the sea, 

even there your hand will guide me, 

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

 and the light become night around me,” 

even the darkness will not be dark to you; 

the night will shine like the day, 

for darkness is as light to you."

Psalm 139:7-12

Doh!

2009-04-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

Girlfriends. I'm here to tell ya... This one is "tooooo funny" and oh-so embarrassing.

See, there are these jeans... my favorite jeans. And lately? I've noticed that they are, ummm, how shall I say? Not as loose as they used to be. But you know how they stretch when you wear them? Well, they didn't stretch so much this week when I wore them. So I decided I'd wear them again. The next day. So, I slipped them on (more like tugged and swore and pulled them on). And then I proceded to run all these many errands around town. You know, this small town. Where everyone knows my name? Oh, wait. That's a song. Anywho- I made it to the dry cleaners, the post office, the coffee shop, my husband's office, and then to the county government center to pay some taxes. I sat down in a chair next to this lovely man's desk. After a little bit, I shifted my weight and crossed my left leg over my right, and slipped my hand under my top thigh. And there it was... This huge lump. Right there, on the back of my thigh. And I thought to myself, "My goodness, what kind of monster bruise do I have this time?" And as the poor little tax man chatted away, I felt the creep of my blush rise up my neck, around the curves of my jaw, and right up to my cheek bones where it loooooves to shine. Yup. Yesterday's underwear. Nice.

Hen-Peck

2009-04-01T06:47:00.000-07:00

As a one-time yankee-girl, I want to share one of the reasons why we love it in East Tennessee...

Hen-peck.

Yup, Hen-peck.

My dad used to call them weeds. Pretty, but still, weeds.

They make the fields of East Tennessee glow purple this time of the year.

A vast sea of purple haze,

made up of little, tiny flowers...

I get to see them every single day as I do my run-about.

This part of the country is overflowing with beauty.

Lucky me.

(ps: check out yesterday's post on connections-it'll make you cry!)

Connections

2009-03-30T15:57:00.000-07:00

Ok. So, you know how in this very beautiful, but very different blogworld we find ourselves lost along a path toward home? And we discover new places and new people whom we would never know if we saw them, but somehow, in such a short time, we love them? And they give to us, and speak to us, and make us laugh out loud and make us cry, and even though we don't know them, we SO know them?

I still consider myself a new blogger. My beautiful friend Edie, she told me about this different place. I love her blog. So I figured, I would love the bloggers she loves. She led me to Carissa. And from her site, on it went... and somehow I ended up at Her Bad Mother and today, she linked me back to Chookooloonts, where I know I've been before. That's where I found Amy. Oh, my. Are you in for a feel-good kinda cry...
I've been touched, my wet eyes evidence. (Really, how does someone I don't even know make me cry?)

This is so beautiful. You have to go.

(Thanks, Edie, for the tutorial!!)

Sunday Words

2009-03-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Gone to Visit a Friend

2009-03-27T05:34:00.000-07:00

Come see me! I have something important to say at:

One-Thousand

2009-03-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

I know that it is a humble aspiration, to have 1000 hits, knowing that this open for all the world to see.... but it just pleased me so to see that number roll around, I had to celebrate. I know it's not like I hit that 100 or 200 posts mile-marker (yet), but still, a milestone for me! I decided to celebrate by sharing with you a list of things that I've probably done 1000 times (I say probably, because without a counter, who the heck knows?!).

1000 times:

1. Hugged my kids (in the last 4 months).

2. Told my husband that I love him (in the last 4 months).

3. The number of photographs I've taken in the last 6 months (no lie, this I know because iPhoto tells me so)

4. Said, "so funny," just like that, "so funny," (today).

5. Wished I had more time.

6. Washed someone else's dirty underwear.

7. Taught a fitness class (didn't know that about me yet, didcha?)

8. Told my kids to "CLEAN UP THIS HOUSE"!

9. Lost time worrying.

10. Visited a TJMaxx, somewhere in this world.

11. The number of dbl-stuffed oreos I've eaten.

12. The number of emails I've sent.

13. The number of crickets I've bought over the last 8 years for my son to feed to a reptile.

14. Made a special trip back to school with something someone forgot (well, it at least seems like 1000 times!)

15. Thought about organizing something, but then, didn't.

16. The number of stitches I've knit; beads I've strung; paper I've stuck; flowers I've arranged; creative impulses I've fed.

17. The number of tears I've shed, because, well, because I cry. A lot. A real lot.

18. The number of cookies I've baked.

19. Was at a loss for words.

20. Said a prayer of thanks.

And, tomorrow? A first... Tomorrow, I am so excited to be guest-posting at Seth's Mother Letter Project. Go visit now, and see what Mother Letter is all about. It's a beautiful thing. Then, go back tomorrow to see me there! :)

Thanks for stopping by, and making my counter spin!

sunbathing

2009-03-25T11:36:00.001-07:00

Yesterday

2009-03-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

A Prayer in Spring

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;

And give us not to think so far away

As the uncertain harvest; keep us here

All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,

Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;

And make us happy in the happy bees,

The swarm dilating around the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird

That suddenly above the bees is heard,

The meteor that thrusts in the needle bill,

And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,

That which it is reserved for God above

To sanctify to what far ends He will,

But which it only needs that we fulfill.

Robert Frost (1915)

Empanadas

2009-03-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

**WARNING** The following is NOT intended for the light-hearted, kitchen-fearing mamas or papas! Proceed with great CAUTION!**

So here's the back story:

We have friends who host a wine-tasting/pairing party each fall. Guests pair up with other couples to compete in categories: Best Wine, Best Food, and the coup (I'm mixing my French and Spanish here, aren't I?): Best Pairing. I, ah-hem, am proud to say that I have been the food-providing part of the winners of Best Pairing for the last 2 years in a row. (I have a secret, but I will not share it here, as I know some of my readers attend this party...) (and yes, I'm a little competitive!) (sorry!) This last year, our wine-providing friends chose an Argentinean Malbec (a dark colored, full-flavored red wine). And I made Argentinean Empanadas...

First, you need something sunny and fresh to inspire you... mostly because this is a labor-intensive, sweat-producing, feet-hurting recipe. Just sayin'. It is. Truth.

Then, enlist a friend...

...Or two, to keep you company and to help with clean-up, 'cause when you get tired, you might get a little messy.

Watcha need:

Pam, and a little bit o' butter for sauteing onions

2 onions, chopped

1 lb of good quality chopped meat (I used sirloin, or low fat beef)

2 tsp Hungarian sweet paprika (or just sweet paprika)

3/4 tsp hot paprika

1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

1 tsp cumin

1 Tbs distilled whited vinegar

1/4 C raisins

1/2 C pitted green olives, chopped

salt and pepper to taste

1 (17.5 ounce) package frozen puff pastry sheets (I used 2 packages)

(The original recipe also called for 2 hard-boiled eggs, and, well... I just couldn't stomach that... eggs, olives, raisins...? Trust me, it's fine without the eggs! I also didn't have any fancy paprika, so I just used my regular paprika in the quantities stated above. Also, just fine!)

Chop, chop, chop away. This is probably the most time-consuming part. I mean, you have to stop every 30 seconds to wipe the tears away! PLLLLeaaasssse!

Saute the chopped meat until cooked through. Drain very well, and set aside to allow to cool and harden. Stir in the vinegar & cumin. Saute the onions in butter, because, sorry! It tastes best that way. But be careful; use the butter sparingly. If the filling is too greasy, it will affect the dough. Saute until the onions are almost translucent. Add the paprika & pepper flakes and saute just a few seconds longer. The heat "opens" up the spices and makes the flavors a little more intense.

Mix together the meat, onion mixture, olives and raisins. (Doesn't that just sound gross? But it is really good. Trust me on this, too!) Salt and pepper to taste. Don't be skimpy with the peppa...

It's about here that your feet might start to hurt. (Did I remember to tell you to wear your favorite, most cushy gym shoes? Definitely do that.)

Cut about 3.5" circles from the pastry. I happen to have the perfect sized plastic monkey cup to accomplish this! I was able to get about 9 circles from each sheet of pastry. And I was thinking about this. If you made bigger circles, you would have bigger empanadas with more filling in each. It would save you time in construction, and you would eat less dough (for you carb-watchers, you!) per serving. Just a thought.

Here's the fun part, and the part where you need to call in your dog friends! Put about a tablespoon of filling in each circle. Use water with your (cleaned) finger along the outside edge of 1/2 of the circle. Be careful to not get the meat mixture on the edges because the grease will prevent the empanadas from sealing. Then, using your fingers, pinch the edges together. And you can sorta wrap the edges around your fingers as you're sealing and make it really pretty (but you don't have to).

Sometimes, they will come out perfectly and look like they are store-bought, like this...

... and sometimes, they'll look more "homemade", like this.

Brush them with egg, put them on a parchment paper-lined cookie sheet, and bake for about 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

For sides, serve with oh-so-easy boxed Spanish rice, chips and home-made guacamole and salsa. And extra red pepper sauce for those who like it spicy. And red wine. Don't forget the wine.

Serve alfresco (and there's some Italian for ya, too) to an eagerly awaiting, most deserving family. (Did I mention, don't forget the wine?)

Family Wrestling

2009-03-22T07:04:00.000-07:00

You've already seen that we play ball in the house, but have I told you that we also hold family wrestling matches?

Three boys and a man in that photo...

The only smart one in the bunch is my guy in brown... he keeps a safe distance because daddy shows no mercy.

The two he's holding here? 6 foot tall teenagers... no problem for daddy-o.

She's not afraid... she jumps into the mix, and lives whole-heartedly.

Finally, they get smart, and work together as a team... and he decides to give 'em a break...

A mass of humanity, rolling around my unfurnished living room...

"Dog-pile on daddy!!"

Who doesn't love a man who gets down on the floor and plays with his kids and their friends?

And he concedes ... for a moment ...

And then, she almost takes him with a rear-naked choke!

(Oh yeah, and if you look directly up from her head, you will see that there are REAL dust bunnies at my house!)

Hope you're having an exciting, playful day, too!

Gone Wild

2009-03-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

See that pretty little counter over there? Over to the right? I added her early last week. I'm getting so few comments, I thought I'd see if it's that no one is visiting, or if it's that my visitors just don't like to talk.

My pretty little counter stroked my ego all week... I was pumped to reach 243 this morning.

I'm considering redecorating, so I've been tramping around blogworld, looking for ideas. I clicked back over here and wHaT?!

721

Is it my pretty little counter? Has she gone wild?

Please say hello and let me know you were here... Otherwise, I go on believin' I have a psycho counter....

The Colors of Spring

2009-03-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

Today, finally, is the first day of spring. Though I love my winter sunsets, dramatic against the stark silhouetted tree branches, and gray with the season, I'm looking forward to color, and newness, and beginnings, and all the things that spring births...

...freshness...

...mornings wet with dew...

...vibrancy, energy...

...beauty...

...breath...

...life.

After coming to terms with disappointment and anger, and after a chaotic day yesterday, I took a walk by the lake alone last night. It was quiet (except for the flock of birds I accidentally scared away-who, in turn, sared me), and it was beautiful, and 0h-so-peaceful. It was so orange-y red, my pictures don't do it justice. It made the gray trees it shined on red. This photo is untouched.

The only sound was the water rhythmically washing onto the crushed stones. It seemed to slow my breathing again, rocking me back into a state of calmness and peace. I can't help but think -hope?- that with the end of winter,

the dawning of spring will bring new peace.

Making Good Choices

2009-03-18T17:34:00.000-07:00

Don't you think that, as grown-ups, it's our responsibility to make good choices? I mean, I realize no one ever teaches us how to do this... (well, maybe Experience teaches us, if we are paying attention.) I think it's up to us to LEARN all the little nuances, the facts, that are important in the decision. Then, we must weigh them carefully... Consider the circumstances, the precedences, the alternatives.... Mentally live out the affects of our choices. And most especially, if these choices affect another human being - or. her. child. - most especially then, the decision should not be judged quickly, carelessly. Most despicably, decisions should not fall along social lines, or to satisfy an immature need to "stick it to 'em," or to derive power, to show dominance over another.

Even more, if one is given the responsibility to govern. over. another., oh please, please, do not make haste. Do not pre-judge. Do not choose before you are given the choice. It is NOT your right, your privilege to tell another what she can or cannot do; nor should you stand in her way or put up roadblocks to her endeavors, especially when it comes to growing her children, to raising her family, to making choices for those little souls with whom she was entrusted.

Do not wear your church on your chest like a badge, and at the same time, show no compassion for a family. Do not boast of your accomplishments, and not reach out your hand to hold another up. Do not express false concern, and contrive when out of sight. Do not speak untruths in attempts at persuasion. Do not choose out of spite. And most certainly, do not rejoice in another's defeat, even privately.

Rather, consider as if you were she choosing for you. What would you want her to weigh heavily? What would you expect her to do for you? What choice would you have her make if it were your child? Your family? What hurtful things would you not want said after you left the room?

I think they call this "do onto others as you would have done onto you".

Who would you expect to put a stop to ugly words? Hasteful motions? Changes in protocal? Arrogant exclaimations? Who would you expect to stand up for your rights as a parent? Who would you expect to stand up for your child?

Whether you expected it or not, she would. And so would I.

Action!

2009-03-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

These are some of my favorite action shots from Crested Butte, in no particular order.

Gabe on skis...

Drew with a grab...

J-man (you've already seen this one!)

Stranger-boarder, but it was such a great jump, I couldn't resist.

(I figured there's no identifying features here, right?)

Little man making a jump-no fear!

Austin off the box...

J-man at another terrain park...

Lexi and her friend tucking down a blue...

We used to call this "bombing" the mountain.

The kids impressed me so much with their snowboarding that I had to take lessons before we left. I was lucky enough to get some video footage of it, and FINALLY, figured out how to copy and paste it here. I think I did ok. What do you think?

Oh, I am SOOO kidding. :)

Maybe next time...

Day 7: Last Day

2009-03-14T13:24:00.001-07:00

A long way down...

'Kay. So the story starts like this. I used to ski. Like, 28 years ago, to be exact and to be brave, because that gives you some indication that I'm not some young chick. (Well, I am, but just at heart.)

Anywho, I used to ski moguls. To be brave. Because they were hard and scary. I'd read a book, "Inner Skiing," that talked about finding the rhythm, quieting your mind, and just absorbing the ground with your knees. I still remember that book and the lessons. Life is like that, so much easier to navigate when you find the rhythm, and absorb what is pushed up at you.

So all week, I was so tempted by the moguls. In my age and wisdom, I decided it would be best to wait until the end of the week. Just in case, you know, if I got hurt. Wouldn't ruin the whole vacation.

So, on this last day, on the chair, we spied a wide path through the woods. Looked like fun. Ron suggested I try it, and I said, "Nahhhh... don't know what's over there..." He said he would like to try it, but as a boarder, wanted to be sure there was some pitch to the slope. Or he'd be walking.

So I took it. By myself. And I broke through the line of trees, and guess what I saw? A black diamond sea of moguls. Yup, a whole hill of 'em. And there I was, all by myself, in the middle of the woods.

I pulled up my big-girl snow pants, took a deep breath, and skied those moguls. During the week, we had noted those who "took" the moguls... you know, they made it down, but it wasn't like they were skiing/boarding them. And then there were those who actually skied them. Truthfully, I probably "took" them the first few yards down, but then-I found the rhythm. And it felt so good.

This photo was taken from one of the highest points I reached. That hot red sign tells you how NOT responsible anyone is if you choose to ski that path. It tells you that it is ungroomed, which means that you can and probably will encounter rocks, trees, cliffs, whatever Mother Nature decided to leave there. And, no... not THAT brave. But I did want to go to the top, which usually means some pretty hairy skiing down. I'm afraid, and because of that, I want to tackle it. I'm afraid of that old woman who quickly becomes inactive because of Fear. So now, while I'm still this young, I want to beat Fear at her own game. So I went as high as I could, and it was no sweat getting down. So take that, Fear.

And these two? 6 and 10. They didn't "take" moguls; they skied them. And they didn't even know it. They were probably wondering what was up with all those bumps? They skied greens, blues and blacks. Fear doesn't exist in their lives. That sometimes scares me.

It was a wonderful vacation. Thanks, daddy-o, for spoiling us. And for giving us time together.

We're leeeeaaaaving....

... On a jEt plane.

Tomorrow: my favorite action shots, and maybe a video of me doing tricks, if I can figure out that paste & link thing.

Day 6: Can You Say "Windy"?!

2009-03-13T23:56:00.001-07:00

Such a beautiful...

... crisp, blue day...

But it was oh-so-wIndY!

How do you photograph the Wind?

This is my daughter and her new-found friend, skiing in the 1/2-pipe. It's hard to see published here, but if you look carefully at the top of that peak, you can see the snow blowing to the left, blowing up, and up, and up....

This was taken from the lift (and I'm here to tell you, riding a chairlift on a windy day can be quite harrowing!). The Wind just lifted the snow up, as if it were falling from the ground.

The wind, She made my photographs dramatic, because She helped our muscles push the snow up, as if we were cutting hard....

... and flying fast.

That silver helmet, it really makes him look like he's from some time in the future. And this blanket of snow that crawled up the mountain adds to the drama. If you believe in ghosts, don't you think they might look like this? Or move like this? (Thanks, Hollywood.) And I just wish you could have heard that wind howl.

My daily apres-ski drink: 2% ICED almond latte. Can't help it. I'm a southerner.

Public transportation was fun (and beautiful, don't you think?). All of the buses had different paintings on them, and they were gorgeous, in their own, bus-like ways. We took one on most nights down into town to roam the streets, find some good eatin', and of course, visit the chocolate shop.

This is Slogar's.... a family-style fried chicken place that everyone loved. Leave it to a bunch of southerners to find a good chicken place in a small ski-town in Colorado.

Tomorrow... our last day at Crested Butte.

Day 5: random shots

2009-03-12T05:35:00.000-07:00

I still have a few days left to document, and don't want to leave it unfinished. These are just random shots from the day.
First week of March isn't too long past Marde Gras... Lexi kept wanting to reach out and grab some beads...
For my cloud-loving friends: they may have silver linings, but this one was golden.
Mexican for dinner. Can't you just imagine this place? The best burritos!

> y a w n <

2009-03-10T03:38:00.000-07:00

so...

how are ya?

Day 4: Let It Snow

2009-03-09T06:04:00.001-07:00

I love this picture of my husband and our son. It looks like they are sitting there in the snow, just talking about life, which maybe they were. I also know they were waiting for me.

And this is our friend who is 6. He rides like the wind on skis!! I had to smile so big when I noticed he was skiing with his tongue out, hoping to catch those snowflakes and swallow them whole!

Here's Austin again, looking like some futuristic power-fighter-soldier guy. He's a boarder.

Lexi and I are skiers. We don't think it's a boy v. girl thing, this preference for boarding or for skiing. It just works out that way in my family.

I have no photos of J-man on this day. Actually, it saddened me quite a bit this vacation. He said "hello" and "good-bye" quite a bit, and because he's such an affectionate kid, he threw in a few "love ya, mom!"-s for me. He preferred spending time with his friends, boarding at the terrain parks and hanging out at the hot tub.

He's growing up.

C.O.L.

2009-03-08T18:33:00.001-07:00

I love to read when we go on vacation. I can usually finish a book or two, and I can become totally immersed in it. Not like at home, when the dryer buzzer is sounding and the fire alarm goes off because I forgot dinner in the oven... catching 10 minute bursts of time to concentrate, dogs barking, kids screaming and yelling and playing... you understand, don't you? :)

Well, this time, I brought 3 books: St. Theresa of Avila (last month's bookclub selection-unfinished!), The Autobiography of Ben Franklin (this month's bookclub selection), and Wednesday Letters (a book I couldn't resist buying when I was in the bookstore buying my bookclub book).

I loved this book.

It was so simple and easy to read. I wasn't asking myself "what does that MEAN?" throughout, and I wasn't feeling remorseful because I was coming to terms with what a sinner I am, and I easily understood ALL the words! ;)

It was like my favorite ice cream on a hot day...

Refreshing, sweet, and oh-so-easy to swallow.

What makes a book a good book to me?

One that moves me.

One that makes me cry,

or laugh, or ache.

By page 10, I was COL (crying out loud).

I did it again in the middle. And of course, again at the end.

And it stays with me.

And it makes me want to be a better mother. And a better wife.

And a better person.

My favorite line:

"...when it rains inside my head, and the drops wet my eyes, I think of the love that He shared with me..."

If you get a chance, read it. Don't wait for vacation.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

Her Bad Mother: Truthiness In Muffin-Top Portraiture

2009-03-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

Her sense of humor and sarcasm are truly funny. And her latest posts reflect these self portraits we've been doing.

Her Bad Mother: Truthiness In Muffin-Top Portraiture

Vacation Interrupted

2009-03-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

Tag! You're it!

There I was, over-stuffed from this lovely Thai dinner-the kind you only have while on vacation? Where you eat every last drop of it - yours, his and theirs because, well, you're on vacation? And I unwittingly opened browneyedfox's blog... and was tagged. And now, I'm doing it to you.

At first, I wasn't even worried, because we had just gotten back from dinner. I still had on we're-on-vacation-and-going-out-to-dinner make-up, and a black-turtleneck, which is absolutely the best thing any woman could ever wear. But then I remembered that I had already peeled my sausage-stuffed jeans off & was wearing my flannel pj's, and it wouldn't be right to not include those in the photo. I also remembered when I got to the bathroom mirror, that my eyes and lips (and now, belly) were still swollen, even though I'd been up for more than 14 hours. And the lighting in this hotel bathroom? Let's just say, NOT flattering.

Now the rules are, no changing the photo. But the yellow of the bathroom is SOOO yellow... I had to switch to B&W. I hope that's only bending the rule and not breaking it, because I'm

a goody-two-shoes, and the guilt of breaking the rules would be too much to bear. Especially on vacation.

So here are the rest of the rules:

1. Sit down (oops! I bent that one, too!)

2. Take a photo of yourself -and here's the hard part-no primping.

3. Upload it.

4. Tag 3 others (or anyone reading your blog)

Just Do It!

Now, because I'm the deep-minded type, I have to add some not-so-random thoughts.

These are my beliefs, even though Forty-Four has been the most difficult age to swallow. And, even though I don't consider myself vain, I have certainly behaved in a very vain way these last few month. My husband calls it MLC (mid-life-crisis), no matter how much I put up a fight about it. I think I'll list them, because you're probably getting tired of reading my long blog:

1. I am so lucky to be a woman.

2. And even luckier to be a mother.

3. Neither of these roles requires me to be beautiful.

4. Both of these roles have made me beautiful.

5. Life is too short to deny yourself chocolate. Or ice cream.

6. Everything in moderation; nothing in excess.

7. Our bodies do not define who we are.

8. Good health and fitness allow us to enjoy our lives more and longer.

9. High heels make you feel sexy, and that's probably why men think high heels are sexy.

10. If you smile at someone, anyone, I betcha they'll smile back-and it will make both your days.

Now, go on. Take your picture, and share!

Day 3

2009-03-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

Reflections on Day 3.

Motivation to get up and go.

I don't know if it was the altitude, or all the water I've been drinking to fight it, but I awoke this morning completely swollen, fingers, toes, eyes and lips. Oh my lips! Better than any fillers or surgery...

Yes, I know I love that saturation button, but I sware! The sky was really that blue. And look at those meringue mountain-tops!

Daddy-O coming out of the 1/2-pipe.

J-man with a grab.

Lunch break.

Look out... old lady in the pipe!

Little man in flight.

Father & son taking a break.

It was about 55 degrees in the afternoon, too warm even for these southerners.

Not hurt, just tired.

Day 2

2009-03-01T19:38:00.000-08:00

Sunrise over Crested Butte.

Hearty breakfast at the Avalanche.

A beautiful day, with breath-taking views. Warm and gentle, easing our southern, winter legs back into skiing and snOwboarding.

A dip into the healing water.

Crested Butte, Colorado - Day 1

2009-02-28T20:48:00.000-08:00

Finally! We are going west!

One of Lexi's projects is to take this school bus with a picture on it of everyone in her school, and photograph it where-ever we go. She then has to keep a journal about where the bus went.

(Is there a brown-eyed fox down there?!)

Coming in to Denver.

View from plane on way to Gunnison airport.

First stop! :)

En route to Crested Butte.

(Hey! That rhymes!)

The fireplace where I will be snuggling up at the end of the day.

Austin checking out the view from our room:

And it's beautiful!

And looking straight down...

Hot-tub to ease our pains!

Tomorrow, we play!

Friday Funnies

2009-02-27T20:31:00.001-08:00

Okay, Amber... this one's for you. It didn't happen this week. Not even this year! But the toothpaste story triggered this memory... and I thought it was oh-so-funny.

This little man was about 3 yrs old. We lived in Texas and we were in a department store. Suddenly, I hear his little voice, sooo excited, yelling, "MOMMY!MOMMY!MOMMY!" and then, "MOMMY!A CLOWN! A CLOWN,MOMMY, A CLOWN!" I walked around the clothing rack to see sweet Austin, with the biggest, brightest, most amazing smile - the kind where his eyebrows are lifted into huge arcs? - and pointing. My gaze followed his little fat finger's point right up into the surprised expression of an innocent old lady... an old lady with wiry, grown-out, died yellow frizzy hair; blue eye shadow to HER brows; and rainbow-striped pants.

I am so sorry, clown lady.

leavin'...on a jEt plane...

2009-02-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

day-dreaming of snOw covered mountains

...activities and adventures...

still so much to do!

keeping their beans safe

distracted by an artistic opportunity...

...with a friend!

yes! instant face-lift!

The Dance

2009-02-25T18:11:00.000-08:00

A bird soars overhead, alone.

Like a graceful ballerina, she glides, dips, swirls.

Another bird arrives.

They fly alone, separate, but together.

Soon their flights connect.

Their paths cross and weave and rotate around one another.

And her flight becomes more beautiful than ever before.

She drops in the sky to come closer to Earth, to see what She offers.

And she climbs up in the sky to come closer to Sun, to feel His warmth.

Her flight becomes so much more than it was before.

She glides more freely, and dips deeper, and her swirls become greater.

As she dances this dance, she doesn't realize that she's alone again. And her flight is still beautiful. The other bird's presence filled her with something that gave her freedom and peace and joy.

The bird dips joyfully to Earth again.

She notices her solitary shadow.

Slowly, she raises up into the sky where she feels safe.

Her swirls become tighter, smaller.

She glides and flutters, glides and flutters again,

...and then flies away.

Not Even the Trees

2009-02-24T17:43:00.000-08:00

Alone as I sit and watch the trees

Won't you tell me if I scream

Will they bend down and listen to me

And it makes me wonder

If I know the words will you come

Or will you laugh at me

Or will I run

Little boy says to me

"where you goin' now son?"

I said, "I don't know where I'm goin' boy,

I only know where I'm coming from"

And it makes me wonder

If the stars shine when my eyes close

Or does my brothers heart cry

I don't know

You see, I'm tired of this pain

I'm tired of living my own little lie

And I wonder when I see you in my dreams

Does it mean anything

Are you trying to talk to me

I'm a stranger in my home

Tell me are you feeling alone

Someone tell me what to do

Cause I'm feeling strong

And I wonder how you feel

Do you realize my pain is for real

I see you in my dreams

And wonder if you are looking down at me

And smiling right now

I wanna know if it's true

When he looks at me

Won't you tell him

Does he realize he came down here

And he took you too soon

And now my days are short

And my nights are long

I lay down with memories of you

That keep me going on, going on

It makes me wonder as I sit and stare

Will I see your face again

Tell me do you care

I'm a stranger in my home

Living life on my own

Right now I just can't see

Because I'm feeling weak

And my soul begins to bleed

And no one is listening to me

Not even the trees.

Not Even The Trees, Lyrics Incomplete

Hooty and the Blowfish

I love listening to music, the phrasing of the words that the artist creates. Some are personal to me; some of the words-usually not the whole song-speak to me. Some lyrics are just beautiful because they are. This is one of those songs. You start out thinking it's about a jilted lover, but realize it's about someone who's died. I can apply some of the words to my life, but surely, not all. Do lyrics speak to you? Do they move you? Do they say what you want, but can't seem to find the words to say?

Raw

2009-02-24T09:23:00.000-08:00

I've recently been back in touch with my college roommate. She and I are like soul-mates, and as we catch up, and I hear the parallels in our lives even though we were absent from each other, this fact is reconfirmed.

We had a conversation about "repressed" parts of ourselves. And it started me thinking. I don't think I have ANY repressed parts. This is what I mean when I say I know my heart. I am fully aware of every feeling, every thought that passes through me. And I am always eager to share or to learn about your/his/her feelings and thoughts. In this way, I am fully exposed. Raw. And I feel hurt SO often, and am told how sensitive I am. You can call it sensitivity, but I am living. I am not denying any part of my being. Not my intellect, not my thoughts, not my passions, not my love. Not even my hurt. And I wonder why so many people have such a hard time with this? If I've hurt you, tell me. If you are angry with me, tell me. If I have scared you, tell me. If I have disappointed you, tell me. I promise to do everything within my power to make it right.

I guess it comes down to trust. We have to have a certain amount of trust in people that our thoughts and feelings will be respected, whether they are agreed with or not. Does this come with maturity? Does it come with familiarity? And how do we trust when we are starting from a point of pain or anger or fear or disappointment?

I say, just bite the bullet and dive in. There is no feeling in repressing, no living in hiding. There might be moments of panic, and uncertainty. But you will be able to find the surface. You will be able to move and breathe and feel refreshed and glad that you did.

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

2009-02-22T18:12:00.000-08:00

I don't know, I guess I had a little spring fever... I thought it was a little later in the season and I had thoughts of spring's first flowers.

But that's not what morning brought...

She had blanketed my beautiful magnolias in white.

See that tear on her eye?

Her friend hit her with a snowball,

but when I pulled out my camera to take her picture,

she smiled.

Who has time for crying

when you are young

and there's jumpin' to be done?

And there's no jumpin' like

jumpin' on a snow-covered trampoline.

Have a warm, happy day!

A Final Look, Everglades Part III

2009-02-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

Oh, he makes a mama proud!

I told you he was secure in his manhood.

On the last day of our trip, we had to resort to plan C., as it was too wild in the ocean to snorkel (plan A.), and the Everglades Outpost was closed on Wednesdays (plan B.)

We found ourselves at Monkey Jungle, where the monkeys roam free, and the humans are caged.

This is sweet Maymay. Isn't she beautiful?

And no one was disappointed, least of all me...

it was a photographic fantasyland.

Until we got back in the car...

(photo by stinky-footed J-man)

"Don't Play Ball in the House!"

2009-02-18T17:22:00.000-08:00

Is this a rule at your house?

'Cause it's not at mine!

In fact, when this one was 18 months old, his dad screwed a cup hook into the woodwork of our beautiful 1905 pocket doors to hang a whiffle ball so that he could work on eye-hand coordination. (But I never told you that!)

Yup, that's him. You kinda have to hide behind stuff when J-man is up to bat. I think it was all that time he had figuring out eye-hand coordination.

Even Dancer-girl has a mean swing, don'tcha think?

And here's Austin, our soccerman, who was at one time the best catcher in the league. Still in perfect baseball form.

This must have been when I was up to bat, and yes, I have photos of it, and no, you will never see them.

Even the dogs get in on the action.

Yes, we play ball in the house. All kinds of ball, all the time, whenever we want, and no one ever gets in trouble.

And the only thing that ever got broken was a chandelier. Actually, two chandeliers. With a golf club. By the big guy.

(And I never told you that, either.)

What rules are regularly broken at your house?

Today Is Her Birthday!

2009-02-16T16:48:00.000-08:00

I can't even believe it.

Today's her birthday.

Our little monkey has reached double digits!

That's right!!

10!

The water-lovin',

dog-lovin',

dancer girl

is growing up

before our very eyes.

I hope you are always so creative

and happy

and fun-loving.

Happy Birthday, baby-girl.

About This Man

2009-02-15T12:07:00.000-08:00

He's fiercely protective.

And smart.

He's extremely funny, and makes me laugh even when I'm steaming mad.

He's a great father.

He's dependable and responsible.

He's compassionate.

He's sees in black and white, even though things are never that clear to me.

He believes in right.

He loves me.

He's not a couch potato, even though sometimes I really wish he was a couch potato.

He's strong. And fit.

And he's oh-so-much fun.

He taught my children to fold the laundry for their mother.

And how to be team players.

He plays ball with them

and laughs with them

and heely's with them

(with his very own heelys).

He shoots airsoft guns with the hims

and dances with her.

He's taught them the difference between working

and working hard

playing and playing fair

being thoughtless and being thoughtful.

He cares about the world.

He roots for the underdog,

but studies the favored.

He's curious.

And hard working.

He's a thinker.

And a well-measured risk-taker.

He's a leader

and a motivator.

He comforts us

and takes care of us

and loves us.

He supports me and believes in me.

He'd move mountains for me.

And told me so.

(And he's mine.)

(photo by Gregg Perry)

It's Alive, Everglades Part II

2009-02-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

I know you think the Everglades is a swamp.

A great, big, stagnant swamp.

But it's not.

It's alive. Really alive.

You just have to look closely.

Be open to the possibility.

Be observant.

It's full of critters.

Some are stinky.

(boys)

Some are rare and scary and sweet.

(American Crocodile, and momma Manatee with babe.

Can you see them?)

Some are beautiful, but not so graceful.

(rosiate duckbill)

Some are abundant.

And even though you take hundreds of pictures of them,

you can't stop.

You just take more.

(blue heron in white morph)

The folliage is both vibrant

(palm)

and colorless.

(cyprus)

But it is alive, none-the-less.

There are reptiles.

Lots of reptiles.

Lots of scary reptiles.

(turtle)

And some pretty beautiful ones, as well.

(green iguana, during mating season)

It's the only ecosystem of it's kind in the world.

You must see it.

Really see it.

(green iguana)

It's full of life.

"Off To See The Lizzard" Everglades, Part I

2009-02-10T19:10:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been to the Everglades?

Have you seen the Everglades?

I mean, like really seen the Everglades?

(Come back tomorrow and I'll show you more!)

This is the way it has to be....

2009-02-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry. It just has to be this way. We can no longer be friends. Even though IRL, you might possibly be the most incredible, sweet, talented, loving person I know, I'm through. And I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, so publicly. Oh, don't act that way! You know who you are! And I'll tell you. It was the **** beef stew. I can't keep up! It just pushed me right over the edge! And the fact that you and Leigh Ann are off in Blissdom with all the other bloggers, and I'm probably the only one here now only makes it worse.

Yeah, that's right. In my quest to be a better mother, I decided I would just try that beef stew of yours. Looked good. Everything you make that I've ever tasted tastes good. But just like those ****shortbread chocolate chip cookies, mine didn't quite turn out like yours. Ohhhhhhh........ n n n n o o o o o ....

Got all the stuff to make it with... only the best... all fresh... organic... I chopped and cut and cleaned and got into such a frenzy because -according to calculations- this was a 6-hr undertaking, minimum.

And it was 2ish when I finally got the beef into the oven the first time.... roughly putting dinner at... oh, I don't know... 8pm?? On a school night!

And then I remembered! In my haste, I had forgotten to salt, pepper, and dredge the beef in flour, making my concoction beef-in-wine, literally. JUST beef-in-wine. Good wine, but still. JUST beef-in-wine. I started to panic, and got back-up dinner...

Oh, and it was about here, that my husband called and said, "Hey. Let's go skiing!" Which, as you know, just isn't THAT simple.... I mean, it's at least an hour away. And there's five of us in total... five to dress, five to pack for, five to feed. And the car! Don't forget the car... need to clean it out so all that ski stuff would fit. And get gas, 'cause runnin' on empty won't be good on a 9degree night in East Tennessee... you know, where there are no plow trucks and only one salter in five counties (the one that drops a load ON my car E V E R Y darn time). And let's just not talk about the 2 play-dates that were at my house at that very moment. The ones I had to tactfully get rid of. Or the fact that I had to go pick up my middle child from a play date.

So, as panic set in, I pulled the plug on the stew. Stew it!! I'll just finish it tomorrow. Yeah, that's what I'll do. We'll do the pizza tonight, and wonderful, warm, make-up-for-the-pizza stew tomorrow...

Oh... but wait. It only gets better.

The next day, back in the oven... all that was left to do... another 3 hours. Time passed and I took it out to check. You know, like you said. Might need more honey/salt & peppa/whatever. And my wine-flavored beef-broth and raw vegetables had absolutely no taste. None what-so-ever. Like, none at all. So, I pull up your blog, re-read the reci... oh. Worsteshire sauce? Oops. And red pepper? Honey. How did I miss that!?

Now, it's starting to get late. Again. And I'm starting to panic. Again. And why aren't the vegetables cooking?! I know. I'll turn the oven up, and set it on convection... that'll work. Where's the rest of that wine. I need the wine. Like, really. I NEED THE WINE.

And another latte. Really. I do. Wine AND coffee. Together.

This, however, won't be enough to make up for this collossal mess I've created. I know. Surely they'll forgive me with chocolate chip cookies. The tollhouse kind. You know, the 2 sticks of butter kind.

(Notice the wine, behind the beater.) (And the stew bowls, to the left.)

So, to make a long story a little less long, we did eat that night. About 8pm. 30 hours after it was started. And the stew, in spite of itself (and the 3 times that I added flour and water to try to thicken it), was really awesome. Hmm... in fact, they fought over left-overs the next day....

Hmm.... Sigh.

So maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe we could still work something out... maybe we could still be friends? Maybe if I made you some chocolate chip cookies...

(Thanks for the recipe, Edie. Clearly, it's not the stew, just the cook. Do you think people would be surprised to know that I actually, at another time, in another life, created a whole menu of food, that is still ordered from today?)

Snow Day

2009-02-02T18:04:00.000-08:00

We had a snow day today in east Tennessee. It always makes me smile, because as a child of the north, honey, this just doesn't cut it. But, none-the-less, kids were home early, celebrating their newfound freedom. Mine are a little big to make a real big deal of it, but when I couldn't find Lexi in the house (she was just playing with that **soccer ball-where'd she go?!), this is where I found her:

Satisfied that she was not only found, but happy, too, I turned back toward the house and saw this:

Pretty beautiful, hmm? And ya know, you just wouldn't think that a cold, snowy day would yield such a beautiful sky at sunset. But the turmoil in the sky and the leaf-less trees gave the scene depth, texture.

And notice how placid the water is, free of ripples and currents. The contrasts are striking and beautiful. Makes you wonder if that's not why we have turmoil and ripples and currents in our lives. Without it, it is hard to measure calmness and peace and beauty. With it, (as we learn to live with it, or overcome whatever it is that is causing it), we weave a richer, more textured fabric of life, one with strength and depth and meaning.

26 Random Things

2009-01-31T13:14:00.000-08:00

(my niece, my daughter, my favorite #)

1. i love my family

2. i'm confused about religion

3. i'm not confused about God

4. i love photography, but am not sure why

5. i love color

6. i love black & white

7. i'm concerned about world issues

8. i hate politics

9. my children are not allowed to use the word "hate"

10. i love babies and animals

11. i know my heart

12. i'm not always brave

13. i am strong

14. my favorite number is 21

15. manners are important

16. so is wearing a seatbelt

17. so is making eye-contact

18. i love music, most any kind, and love to ponder lyrics (maybe it's poetry i like?)

19. i feel like i'm always chasing pavement

20. i love hooty and kid rock

21. christmas is my favorite time of year, but christmas has not felt like christmas to me for the last 3 years... hmmm...

22. i'm a superhero who fights laundry 24/7

23. my favorite snack is honeycrisp apples and peanut butter

24. i have a love/hate relationship with oreos, especially dbl-stuffed

25. i'm addicted to coffee

26. touch is important

About Blogging

2009-01-30T14:46:00.000-08:00

Whew. It's been kinda hard to come back after that last blog, even though I received so many kind and supportive emails and comments. So it got me thinking, "Why am I doing this?" And I looked around a bit, and I've come to the conclusion that it's all about connecting. And maybe a little about being heard. And definitely about creating. Some of us do it to share ideas, some to ask questions. I like it all, but I think one of the biggest reasons I'm enjoying it is because it allows me to think things through, fully... it's part of an organized writing process. As I write, I organize my thoughts and make decisions. "Yes, that's how I feel." Same as keeping a journal, right? Why such a public forum then? So..., maybe I'm from the need-to-be-heard group, too. That, I don't truly understand yet. Maybe it's because IRL, it takes at LEAST 100 times to be heard by those tiny, little ears. Here, I only have to say things once! :)

How 'bout you? Why do you blog?

Dear God

2009-01-27T21:09:00.001-08:00

Dear God;

I know it's been a while. I'm thinking I don't deserve your comfort tonight, but my heart is aching. They are all asleep and I feel alone.

Tonight, I feel great loss. They are all here, my loved ones, tucked in and hopefully dreaming good dreams. But I am confronting choices, head on now. I learned well, and You blessed me with great parents who gave me the tools I need to know what to do. It's just hard when there's something so bright and so glowing and that draws me so strongly. To hold a dream so tightly, so protectively, knowing it will never be more... but still cherishing it so, loving it like all the other gifts You have given. I love this dream. It is my secret treasure. I don't want to let go. It sits in my heart, and during my quiet times, I take it out and play with it. It's starting to hurt me. I'm starting to want it too much. It doesn't work in this life. It's like a warm, sunny day and the snow. I can't have both, even though I love both. They can't co-exist. One disolves the other.

Being a good mother means sometimes making hard choices. I have a beautiful life. There's just this one other thing that I want. It's selfish. And I want to think, maybe it can wait, maybe it can happen later. But it won't. And I remember that I have realized so many dreams. You have also blessed me with a husband who has always supported me as I persued my dreams. He has sat at many libraries for long hours while I studied. He has encouraged me to go out on my own, work for myself-even at such a young age, he believed in me. He helped me build a business, and even mopped its floors at 2 in the morning after a long day at his own job, just to get me home earlier. And still, I want this.

Tonight, God, I ask that you sooth this hurt for me. Help my heart realize what my head already knows. Help me to make the right choices for my family. Help me let go.

New Year's Resolution # 21

2009-01-26T09:13:00.000-08:00

Just a quick break... I'm addressing New Year's Resolution # 21: clean OUT house. I really dread this, but have found humor in it that I needed to share:

Found in 9-yr old daughter's underwear drawer:

2 pj tops

1 pj bottom that doesn't match either top

3 pair underwear, clean :)

1 zip-lock bag with jelly beans in it (?? please try to not remember how long ago Easter was! and don't judge me!!)

1 set stuffed reindeer antlers w tie string (now we're in the right season)

3 hairbands

a yo-yo

1 die (ya know, one of the set of dice?)

an empty Shrek Pez dispenser

2 bookmarks

2 neon-colored post-it pads

multiple loose pens, pencils & crayons

1 full pencil case

a polly pocket blanket

another zip-lock bag, this one with beads & cords for necklace-making

2 paperclips

1 safety pin

a light blue satin button that belongs to God-knows what

1 set of headphones

a stylus to her brother's DS

Bear in mind that this drawer measures about 12" x 18" x 4". Can you imagine what the rest of her room looks like?! (:O

Getting Rid of "I Should've"

2009-01-25T09:55:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday, I had a pretty good mommy day. Usually, I melt into my bed at the end of the day, exhausted and panting and just grateful to have another place to plant my backside besides the driver's seat of the Suburban. And I'm usually full of "I should've..." 's. I should've been more patient; I should've left earlier; I should've tried harder; I should've planned better; I should've hugged more... But yesterday? Yesterday was pretty good.

I got J-man to baseball practice early, as in before 9am... and with all of his necessary equipment. No small feat for this wanna-be late morning sleeper. And it's funny, because once I'm up, I really like the mornings. They're peaceful.

I noticed this sign on my way back home, and was inspired and hopeful for a good day.

I also noticed this red barn. And now you're thinking... okkkkaaay?? Well, hold on because I'm about to get really east Tennessee on ya...

C'mon... even you northerners have to admit... in the dismal, drab, dead-of-winter, this red barn glows. It's beautiful! Even if it is in a Green Acres kinda way....

Then at the stop light in town, I looked right and saw this:

See, in the north, we use these signs just to tell when services are held. Here, lessons can be learned. "Keep thy heart with all diligence." Persistence, care, caution, constant and earnest effort, persistent exertion... diligence. Pay attention to what matters. So then I thought of my Austin, my middle child, who has yet to be seen on this blog. He was off at a church retreat this weekend. I love this child.

Isn't he sweet?!

I went home and made pancakes, which I later blogged about. And later in the day, I made meatballs and yummy chocolate chip cookies (so mommy-like). I organized Austin's soccer team stuff, and loved on Lexi quite a bit. I got her to a birthday party at an indoor pool, and again(!!) (ahhemmm): ON TIME (woo-hoo!), with a birthday present and card that she picked out.

I even showed up early to pick her up, camera in hand...

(That's her, on the far right, in the brown & pink.)

And when she asked to bring a friend home for the night, I said yes, even though her brother already had a friend spending the night... (What's one more, anyway?)

I noticed this old barn on the way home and the beautifully simple "cut-outs" on the doors. And the Christmas wreath. Even though it's almost February, I love it.

So, instead of running around like an idiot, getting projects half-done and not knowing which way is up and being barely able to breathe because I can not do that one more thing...

I did breathe. And I loved, and I noticed the sunset...

And when I went to bed last night, there wasn't one "I should've" on my mind.

Pancakes...This One's For You, Edie!

2009-01-24T09:07:00.000-08:00

I have these very fond memories from when I was growing up.... My southern-raised mom would make these great, huge breakfasts on the weekend. It could have been pancakes, french toast, or eggs (to order, of course) and toast. And there was either sausage or bacon, but there was definitely meat. The piece de la resistance - a big pot of grits... oozing with like a stick of butter and sprinkled with a container of salt. I was the only gal in the north who ate grits on a regular basis. And I loved them. (As an adult, I realize it really wasn't the grits... the grits were just a conduit for the butter and salt!)

So, I wanted this for my children, a memory that reinforces how close our family is. I make big, huge breakfasts every weekend. But not like my mom's... we forgo the meat, usually, or substitute turkey sausage/bacon, which really is nothing at all like that really-bad-for-you, greasy, spicy, salty, yummy sausage and bacon. And the grits? Only when we eat out. My pancakes, though, I've been told they're to die for. My recipe had a basis in Betty Crocker, but has long since evolved, and I want to share it with you. This one's for you, Edie!

First, I start with my very own iced latte... can't do anything Saturday or Sunday morning without first consuming at least one iced latte. Then, mix the wet ingredients...

1 egg

1 C milk

1 T oil (less to be healthy, but some to brown the cakes)

and (here's one secret) 1+ tsp of home-made vanilla

Add the dry ingredient right into the wet... it's not rocket science, and I'm all for minimizing dirty dishes....

3+ T sugar (sweet, like the Scandinavian-made -another secret)

1 T baking powder

1/2 tsp salt, to control the baking powder!

1 C flour

Now, in my family, some like them thin and some like them thick, so I either divide the batter & thin one half with milk, or do the thinner ones last, diluting the batter right in the same bowl(fewer dishes, remember?)

I use a cast-iron griddle that sits on top of my burners. My mother-in-law gave this to me years ago... I wonder if she realizes how she's helped in creating cherished family memories for my kids? I have to double stack my burner grates because my fire burns too hot! (hmmmm...)

(Today, it was about here that my husband walked in on me taking pictures of pancakes, and with the most quizzical look on his face, asked, "WHAT are you doing?" to which I replied, "Getting ready to blog. Ya know, Edie, she....", at which point he interrupted and asked, "Does Edie KNOW she's your hero?" Oh, I'm sure she knows she's many peoples' hero!)

The kids like them with milk chocolate chips baked right in.

Sometimes I get help:

(Ron teaching Lexi how to flip.)

Sometimes we top them with bananas, pecans, and whip topping, and heaven forbid: chocolate syrup! MMmmmmmm....

Serve with REAL maple syrup, preferably imported from my sister's house in Maine; 100% real fruit juice (stawberry banana is the going favorite); fresh sliced pineapple, a memory-keeper from our trip to Maui 4 years ago; and for me, of course, a second or third iced latte.

J-Man

2009-01-22T15:41:00.000-08:00

Ya know, he's just 14. Actually, he just turned 14. He's amazing. He's so secure in his "manliness" (this is very important when you are 14!) that he's not afraid to kiss his mom in front of the baseball team. Or yell "I love you, Mom!" from across the parking lot. He plays the piano, and he plays baseball. He listens to Beethoven, and he listens to George Thorogood. He's kind and thoughtful and smart and hard-working. In fact, he'd work his butt off for you if you asked it of him, or if he thought it would help him be better. He's our J-man.

Dreams

I lie upon a tree

And dream about the day

I think about nature

In a beautiful way

I lie within the field

And dream about the night

I think about the stars

Alone with fright

I lie within my bed

And dream about my house

I think about my family

The ones who are mine

jordan, 14